we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
