I wish my penis had an off switch
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
