Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
