I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize