Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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