so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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