Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My dick has a subreddit
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize