i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize