she was so not down for the gang bang
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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