i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Randomize
