Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize