so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
