she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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