He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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