So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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