I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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