My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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