It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
