Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
