STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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