At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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