I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
