We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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