took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
