Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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