i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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