I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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