my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
