The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
