the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
