My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We are two peas in an std pod
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
