i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
