I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
