my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
they need to just BURY HIM!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize