Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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