apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
