it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
