Don't make out with my wife yet
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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