super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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