Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
