She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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