Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
