Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
