There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
