I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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