well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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