She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize