But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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