I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
