thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
