God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
