to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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