smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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