Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
