My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
