I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
