Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
