So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
