Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize