I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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