I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
