Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
