It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
