So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
