I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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