somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
