Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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