My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
