Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize