We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
