I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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