did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
