can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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