I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
