I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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