I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
