That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
