I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
