my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
