I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
