I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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