Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
