She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
