I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
