I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
