I wannas sexs uuuuu
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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