I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
